You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you had me at cake vodka
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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