Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
