Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
