Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
