***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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