Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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