I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
