Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
