wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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