I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
