4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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