Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
