We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
