I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
