Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
