I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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