Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
