she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
