New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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