After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
