I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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