i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize