Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
