2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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