I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
