He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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