i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
