The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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