I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
