i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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