he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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