Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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