____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
