i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
