walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
