Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
