Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
