I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
