i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
