can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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