nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
