She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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