worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
