There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
