omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
