And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
