Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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