90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
