It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
