dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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