I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
