He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize