Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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