I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
