you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
