if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
