Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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