Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
