peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
