Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this just has baby written all over it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
