My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
