I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
