Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
