people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
