Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
